A child that wants attention will obtain it by some means. This is usually done in a positive way; they do a drawing, or perform a play. By offering an adult the best of what they have to offer, they seek attention, and this will hopefully allow them to obtain it. In general, children who are well adjusted tend to need attention on a little and not very often basis. As long as attention is given when needed, which is usually the case, things run smoothly. However, some children seem to have an insatiable desire for attention; they get positive attention galore yet they want more. They misbehave and quickly realise that certain behaviors can't be ignored by adults, meaning they engage in them. The class teacher will likely tell you that they spend vast quantities of their time with the child yet it is never enough. The child if observed in class, will be engaging in a whole host of activities, all of which appear geared toward getting attention. It would be nothing noteworthy for children like this to have the teacher intervene with every 2-3 minutes.
Often parents and teachers are confused. They will tell the psychologist that the child gets lots of attention, much more than any other member of the class, something that is supported by observation. The important thing to remember with humans, in such cases, is that we are never dealing with concrete realities; we are dealing with perceptions. It is rather convenient to see the childs' thinking in terms of there being a black box through which all thinking must pass. The black box contains one simple instruction that is, "I do not get enough attention" . If we take on board this simple assumption, we can now see why the child will behave in an attention seeking way. For example, after being taken out for a wonderful day out, and absolutely showered with attention, they come home and do something totally silly that guarantees more attention, albeit negative. So what to do?
The following intervention is extraordinarily powerful. It works just about every time and the only reason it fails is because the adult stops. Children never tire of this intervention. The intervention takes about ten minutes each day and is focussed on the childs' perceptual system.
- Tell the child that they will be getting a special time each day.
- Then each day tell them that special time will start in 2 minutes.
- Tell the child that special time will start now.
- Engage in special time.
- Tell the child that special time will end in 2 minutes.
- Tell the child that special time will end now.
You have therefore told the child four times that they are getting special time.
During special time, the child may choose to do anything that is reasonable. They may want to watch a video with you, or make a cake for instance. Do not teach, simply watch the child, helping if they request it, but never offering help. The adult watches the child, and every so often sums up what the child is doing with praise for the skills shown. For instance 'I love the way you cuddle me'; 'I love the way you are mixing that cake mix'. This shows that the adult is paying attention. The analogy usually used is bathing the child in a warm bath of positive attention.
Do this every day.
Do not under any circumstances take away the special time as a sanction.
Even if the child has had an awful day, special time must occur.